The Power of Pretending: How “Acting As If” Fuels Confidence and Growth

Introduction

Sometimes wisdom sneaks up on us from the most surprising of places—like an animated movie about pets. In The Secret Life of Pets 2, Max, a nervous city dog, ventures to the country and meets Rooster, a rugged farm dog who approaches life in a markedly different way. Max is wound up from the bustle of urban streets, while Rooster carries a steady demeanor shaped by open fields and a practical mindset. In one scene requiring courage, Rooster tells Max, “Just act brave. You don’t have to be brave, you just have to pretend to be brave.” It’s a simple statement, but it carries real weight. This children's movie remarkably taps into a concept from psychotherapist Alfred Adler, who trained with Sigmund Freud before developing his own approach to psychotherapy called Individual Psychology. Adler believed in encouragement, often urging his patients to “act as if”, to embody the traits they aspired to, as if they already had them. The goal wasn’t to deceive but to spark an internal shift, pushing individuals toward growth by stepping into their desired qualities.

Skipping the Waiting Game

The true value of pretending lies in its ability to bypass the waiting game. Many of us assume we need to feel something, confidence, courage, or otherwise, before we can act. Consider a man who wants to feel confident enough to talk to women. If he waits for that perfect sense of readiness, he might remain stuck indefinitely. Confidence doesn’t simply appear; it develops through effort and experience. But acting as if you have it—standing tall, making eye contact, initiating a conversation despite nerves—can lay the groundwork for genuine growth. It’s not about superficial fakery. It’s about acting your way into the attribute you seek and sidestepping the perpetual “not yet” mindset.

Starting From Where You Stand

This becomes especially clear with something like social anxiety. I’ve worked with clients who feel overwhelmed in groups or awkward meeting new people, and it’s understandable when they haven’t had much practice. It’s like stepping onto a basketball court for the first time and feeling frustrated because you’re not sinking baskets. Naturally, you wouldn’t, and expecting instant skill is unrealistic. Persistence is key here. You won’t improve unless you keep going, moving past the discomfort with determination, resilience, and a touch of optimism. In these instances, pretending serves as a catalyst. It’s the encouragement to act composed, even when you feel unsteady, so that you can move towards the things you value. With time, those initial efforts stabilize, and the benefits of pretending begin to take form.

Vision Takes Shape

I encountered a story that illustrates this beautifully. In a recent podcast conversation with Quentin Tarantino and others, director Roger Avary, best known for co-writing Pulp Fiction and directing the 2007 film Beowulf, recounted how he broke into filmmaking. Early in his career, he worked with John Langley, the creator of the 90s hit television show COPS. Avary asked Langley, his mentor, how to become a director, and Langley replied, “Well, then be a director… Just tell people you’re a director.” Avary took the advice seriously. He quit his job, walked out, and began calling himself a director, despite only having experience with Super 8 films and essentially posing as one. It took years of persistence, pitching ideas, and appearing at places like Cannes, but it paid off. It’s important to note that people eventually recognized him as a director because he acted the part. Through tenacity and effort, the benefits of pretending transformed his bold choice into a thriving career.

Therapy’s Take on Pretending

Stories like these aren’t just inspiring anecdotes; they’re reflected in therapeutic practices as well. I’m psychoanalytic at my core, focused on the deeper layers of the mind, but I often draw on other therapeutic modalities. For example, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages clients to accept the content of their present thoughts, particularly negative ones, while still pursuing meaningful steps in a valued direction. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) aligns here too, encouraging individuals to practice thinking about positive actions and their potential benefits rather than simmering in negative thoughts and avoidant behaviors. Both demonstrate that conditions don’t need to be perfect before you begin. The benefits of pretending emerge when you take action and gain momentum along the way.

Where Pretending Leads

From a cartoon dog’s advice to Adler’s wisdom, Avary’s determination, and the strategies therapists sometimes employ in therapy. Many things point us towards the benefits of pushing through discomfort to achieve our goals. Whether you’re navigating a new social setting, pursuing a goal, or simply seeking more stability, pretending isn’t a facade. It’s a means to create space for growth into the person you aim to become. Begin where you are, act as if you’ve arrived, and those early, uncertain steps will soon find their footing. The benefits of pretending? Maybe they’ve been there for you to claim all along.